Look, we love beer. Obviously. Do you know what we don’t love? Drinking and driving.
Here are 12 reasons to have a designated driver.
Reason 1: You’ll Save Money
On average in the United States, a first time DUI offense costs more than $4,000. That’s more than 842 averagely-priced beers. I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer the beers.
Reason 2: It’s More Convenient
Have you ever tried to puke and drive at the same time? So not ideal. With a designated driver, you no longer have to multi-task.
Reason 3: You’ll Actually Get Home
As zany and fun as the movies make it seem, waking up and having no idea where you are is not fun. When you have a designated driver, you’re much less likely to wake up wearing someone else's clothes in a strange room or in the middle of a field somewhere. (Less likely…but not guaranteed. The truth is out there!) If your designated driver is a trusted and awesome friend they might even tuck you in, plug in your phone, and leave you a glass of water.
Reason 4: They’re There To Help
If you’re not a fan of changing a tire when you’re sober, imagine trying to do it inebriated. And, if you actually managed to change it, would you trust the drunken job that you did? Having a designated driver means that there is someone with a clear head to take care of things.
Reason 5: You Won’t Lose Your License
In most states, refusing a breathalyzer or blood alcohol test triggers an automatic driver’s license suspension. And that’s before any of the DUI penalties. By having a designated driver, you significantly reduce the likelihood of losing your license.
Reason 6: They Speak Coherently
By the end of a night out drinking, you’re basically speaking a different language. As you may know, this can make ordering Taco Bell difficult. An underrated reason to have a designated driver is that they can speak coherently, so you won’t frustrated the hard-working employees by trying to order a McMargarita at Burger King.
Reason 7: You Won’t Crash Your Car
Just because the legal threshold BAC in the United States is .08 doesn’t mean that’s where impairment starts. Having a .05 BAC, federally considered to be street-legal, makes you 100 times more likely to crash your car.
Reason 8: You’ll Avoid Traffic Troubles
A traffic snarl is rarely welcomed, least of all when your driving skills aren’t top notch. If you have a designated driver, you won’t be troubled by traffic. You’ll be too busy performing carpool karaoke.
Reason 9: You’re Less Likely To End Up In Jail
Being arrested for a DUI is not a short process. There’s questioning, fingerprinting, photographing, testing to determine BAC, a hearing, and plenty of paperwork. Depending on how busy the station is (and how drunk and/or disorderly you are), this process can take anywhere from hours to days.
Reason 10: Your Neighbor’s Mailbox Will Be Safe
The economic cost of damages from vehicular accidents involving alcohol is more than $52 billion a year. Skip the drama that comes with you accidentally annihilating their mailbox by having a designated driver.
Reason 11: Less Stress All Around
A failure to plan is a plan to fail. Instead about spending the night with that bit of stress in the back of your mind, plan ahead to have a designated driver. That way you can relax and enjoy the night without stressing about how you will get home, sobering up to drive, or if you’ll get pulled over by police.
Reason 12: You’ll Have A Clean Conscience
With a designated driver, you don’t have to worry about the possibility of being responsible for one of the more than 11,000 annual deaths due to drunk driving crashes. This means that you won’t have to live the rest of your life knowing that you killed an innocent person by being selfish.
Reason 13: You Won’t Die
Surprise! It’s a baker’s dozen! Last but not least on our list of a dozen reasons to have a designated driver: if you have a designated driver, you won’t accidentally wrap your car around a tree or something and kill yourself. The world is a better place because you are in it. We are glad you’re here.